Thursday, April 19, 2012

Refusing to Fade Away

It has been months since I posted. And they have been some pretty rough months. During that time I've written a few posts in my head, but sadly, its not the thought that counts when writing a blog.

My time has been consumed by some pretty heart-wrenching family drama. I wish I could say that I've dealt with the stress well by keeping up an exercise schedule, but that couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, I have comforted myself and my kids with oodles of baked goods and dinners that consist of some sort of cheesy, creamy goodness. I haven't had a full night's sleep since December 18th. My body is showing the signs of all of this neglect.

I've seen bloggers disappear in the past. Some I've reached out to because I truly loved reading them every week. And I wonder how they are doing on their journey and what caused them to fade away from the interwebs. I don't want to be one of those that fade away. But I think I may understand a little why they do. Taking a hiatus is sometimes necessary when life demands. And when your blog is about your choice to live a healthy lifestyle or strive toward a goal - it is sometimes easier to stay gone than to admit defeat.

But I miss my blogger friends. And I miss my real-life runner friends. I don't feel like I'm "part of the club" anymore. It seems we just don't have much to talk about when there are no plans to make for the next race that is coming up. I get jealous about those status updates of smiling faces with medals around their necks while I'm sitting at home in my pajamas drinking a third cup of coffee to fuel me after a long night. I'm happy for them, but sad for me at the same time.

As overwhelming as circumstances have been, I realize I'm doing myself no good in my current state of pity-partydom. And there have to be others out there who have experienced major setbacks like this and still managed to climb back on the wagon. So, while I don't feel great, I do feel hopeful. I'm looking at a printout of a 30 week training program mocking me on the bedroom door. And the decision has been made.

I'm starting from over from scratch.

Square One.


I can't muster up a whole lot of excitement right now. But I do have enough determination to at least take the first step.

And I just really want to be one of the cool kids again :)