Disappointment

I rarely feel disappointed in others. Mostly this is because I don't have very high expectations of others. I realize this may not be the most healthy outlook, and really - not even very nice, but that's just how it has been for awhile. And, frankly, my underestimation of the human population has served me well in two ways:

1. I rarely allow someone else to influence my mood by disappointing me. 
2. I am truly amazed and inspired when people go above and beyond expectations. 

Of course there are cons to this way of thinking. Mostly, I have a hard time trusting people and I don't delegate well. This makes me a control freak and frequently leaves me feeling overwhelmed at the amount of tasks it takes to get through each day.

Recent events have caused me to step squarely outside of my comfort zone and trust some friends more than I normally would. And, sadly, I'm feeling that rare case of disappointment that I've spent so much effort trying to avoid. It sucks. And I hate it. And I regret allowing it to happen.

But I'm trying to stay positive. So I decided to take the time to reflect and see what I could learn about myself through all of this. During my reflection I realized that this stupid emotion called disappointment is so jarring to me because I just don't let enough people get close enough to have that power.

Also, I have no problem feeling disappointed in myself. 

I guess this explains why my first reaction was to hook myself up with some really good ice cream and feel sorry for myself. Yes, in hindsight this appears to be a stupid idea. But at the time it was brilliant. And comforting. And made me happy. And the familiar feeling of disappointment in myself seems easier to deal with than feeling betrayed by a friend. But we all know that dealing with someone else's bad judgement call by making my own bad judgement call is not the way to go. It worked in the short term. But, clearly, is not beneficial to my long term goal.

My quest to get back into shape has moved slowly. I am gradually getting back into my good eating habits. And I'm feeling better because of it. I'm already behind on my training program though. Wanna guess how that makes me feel? Yeah. Disappointed.

According to this equation I need to either lower my expectations or raise my reality.

Or both.

So the summary of my deep thought of the day is that: You can't let the actions of other people derail your vision. You should have reasonable expectations. High expectations mean nothing if you don't have the reality to back it up. And people are surprising. Most good. Some bad. I can't control that. I do, however, buy the ice cream.